An Autistic Person Perceived as Female (APPF) with extreme bodymind experiences (generally understood and treated in the UK and its healthcare context as mental illness and/or neurodevelopmental disorders), is caught between intersecting, multiple and conflicting ideas about who and what they are and should be, related to autism diagnosis, autistic identity, perceived and held gender identity, normative or deviant behaviour and mental illness/distress. These ideas and understandings originate from opposing spaces: medical, clinical, social and professionally held constructs within the "pathology paradigm" and those of the "neurodiversity paradigm" encompassing the APPF individual, an embodied, experienced self, within the context of their autistic/neurodivergent community. 

My research will explore the relationship between an APPF and their sense of selfhood/personal meaning-making as it is mediated through digital personal data and its infrastructure when caught at the intersection of this dichotomy of realities, through interpretive qualitative research autoethnography (study 1) and participant research (study 2) including focus group work, digital ethnography, semi-structured interviews and member checking. Data will be analysed using reflexive thematic analysis, focusing on triangulation between datasets within and across the two studies.

It aims to create outcomes and new knowledge that FPAPs can use to explore personal narratives and meaning-making safely and creatively, using their digital data to gain perspective on their past and hope for their future. FPAPs participating in research, and writing about their lives, have described the difference knowing their true self makes to them. They are more confident, feel validated and gain new knowledge of their past life and personal history knowing what they are, and why they have experienced their difficulties. 

This author is supported by the Horizon Centre for Doctoral Training at the University of Nottingham (UKRI Grant No. EP/S023305/1) and by NIHR MindTech.